IDK

This week I joined the YMCA. I went to my first Sandgnats game, along with other college students from the local church I'm attending. I read my book from the public library (currently The Age of Innocence, if anyone is wondering). Overall, I'm hitting that stage that I have in each of my nomadic wanderings where I start to feel like I'm living somewhere. It's like finally being able to hit cruise control on a long car ride. Like that moment on the beach when you're all set up and can finally sit back and close your eyes.

Well, sort of. 

Because, I'm only human. And I'm already trying to figure out the next stop on my journey. I like to have a plan. I really like to have a plan. I thought I had my fall months planned out. I kept reassuring myself with the fact that, until January, I know what I'm doing. But God just smiled down at me, as I know He does when I start to think that I've got a plan. And He told me that my plan was not His plan. So, when people ask me what I'm doing after this internship, my answer is, "I don't know." But He knows. And I keep having to remind myself that that is all that really matters. 

If you wouldn't mind praying for me, this is more of a struggle than it seems. I have a lot of options that I could pursue for this fall, and a lot of them would be glorifying to God, but I just don't know which one is the one I should do! I've made lists. I've thrown away my lists. I've started over on my lists. And I've prayed. A lot. This is bigger than this autumn. I know how small moments, small decisions, can make big changes in a person's life. 

For example, one day in fall 2012, I sat in the lobby of my apartment building. I was waiting for the shuttle to truck me over to campus, and another girl was sitting on another couch across from me. She caught my eye, and I smiled. And then I remembered my mantra for that fall (Meet people!) and I started talking with her. That girl was Pelin. Because of us meeting that day, we started talking when we would see each other on the bus. And then, when she needed to move to another apartment a few weeks later, she asked me if she could move into the suite I was in. Because of that meeting, Pelin and I are now as close as sisters. Literally. Because of that meeting, I moved to Turkey for 4 months. Because of that meeting, my life has been forever changed. This is why I am sometimes really peculiar about making decisions. Because I know that the tiniest one, something that may seem really insignificant to me, could change the direction of my path. What if I hadn't spoken with Pelin that day? What if I had smiled and just minded my own business? 

So when you ask me what my plans are, expect to get a good measure of shoulder-shrugging. And a smile :) Because even though I don't know what's coming my way, I'm sure He's got something pretty amazing in the works.