An Afternoon Sketch of {Foxy Loxy}

I'm sitting in a padded, leather armchair at the head of a farm table, mismatched chairs and benches surrounding it. Like a queen with a missing court. The building next door is so close, I could reach out the window and touch it, faded white paint and old panes of glass.

The wall at the top of the stairs is covered in maps and random cut-outs, all pasted over each other like decoupage. I would stand and stare at the wall, trying to find a method to the beautiful madness, but I'm worried that such an action would put a crack in the perfect atmosphere. I shouldn't try to figure out something that so obviously isn't meant to be understood.

I want a wall like this one day.

My in-house iced latte was handed to me in a large, fat, perfectly unblemished jar. I grabbed a straw, but quickly knew that I shouldn't use it. There's just something about cold glass, wet droplets of condensation running onto the dark wooden table.

People sit in the chairs, mostly in pairs, many leaning in companionable silence over a common slice of cake. Two girls sit on low stools under a canopy covered in empty coffee bean sacks. Their table is a weathered, green travel trunk.

Two lovebirds stand on the outdoor porch. The girl has let her hair down, and they gaze at the passing traffic with their arms around each other. Such innocent affection, enjoyed in the best way.

I've only just noticed the rock music. It plays and fills the air space. Anyone would tell you later that the playlist was perfectly chosen, although none of them would be able to tell you what it had been.

That is because the real music comes from the whispered conversations and confidences, not meaningless gossip but real talk of life. Because the atmosphere here calls for depth. Depth of reality, depth of friendship. Depth of life.

I wrote this in one of my notebooks while at Foxy Loxy today. It's one of the only ways I have found to really remember a moment, or a set of moments.

 If you are in Savannah, I greatly encourage you to stop by and enjoy this place. I've spent hours such as this one reading books in this quiet house. Don't forget to wander up the stairs.

IDK

This week I joined the YMCA. I went to my first Sandgnats game, along with other college students from the local church I'm attending. I read my book from the public library (currently The Age of Innocence, if anyone is wondering). Overall, I'm hitting that stage that I have in each of my nomadic wanderings where I start to feel like I'm living somewhere. It's like finally being able to hit cruise control on a long car ride. Like that moment on the beach when you're all set up and can finally sit back and close your eyes.

Well, sort of. 

Because, I'm only human. And I'm already trying to figure out the next stop on my journey. I like to have a plan. I really like to have a plan. I thought I had my fall months planned out. I kept reassuring myself with the fact that, until January, I know what I'm doing. But God just smiled down at me, as I know He does when I start to think that I've got a plan. And He told me that my plan was not His plan. So, when people ask me what I'm doing after this internship, my answer is, "I don't know." But He knows. And I keep having to remind myself that that is all that really matters. 

If you wouldn't mind praying for me, this is more of a struggle than it seems. I have a lot of options that I could pursue for this fall, and a lot of them would be glorifying to God, but I just don't know which one is the one I should do! I've made lists. I've thrown away my lists. I've started over on my lists. And I've prayed. A lot. This is bigger than this autumn. I know how small moments, small decisions, can make big changes in a person's life. 

For example, one day in fall 2012, I sat in the lobby of my apartment building. I was waiting for the shuttle to truck me over to campus, and another girl was sitting on another couch across from me. She caught my eye, and I smiled. And then I remembered my mantra for that fall (Meet people!) and I started talking with her. That girl was Pelin. Because of us meeting that day, we started talking when we would see each other on the bus. And then, when she needed to move to another apartment a few weeks later, she asked me if she could move into the suite I was in. Because of that meeting, Pelin and I are now as close as sisters. Literally. Because of that meeting, I moved to Turkey for 4 months. Because of that meeting, my life has been forever changed. This is why I am sometimes really peculiar about making decisions. Because I know that the tiniest one, something that may seem really insignificant to me, could change the direction of my path. What if I hadn't spoken with Pelin that day? What if I had smiled and just minded my own business? 

So when you ask me what my plans are, expect to get a good measure of shoulder-shrugging. And a smile :) Because even though I don't know what's coming my way, I'm sure He's got something pretty amazing in the works.